Thank Your Wife

My father and I graduated from the same high school, 25 years apart. This past weekend we went to our reunion and watched as one of Dad’s classmates won the lifetime achievement award for his work in cancer research.

The winner was a distinguished gent, a good friend of my father, and a slow, but charming speaker. He told funny stories of his time at the school, and only at the end did he mention his work.

I happen to know, thanks to Dad, that the prize winner’s wife has been a a tower of strength over the years, but he never mentioned her as he recounted the story of his career. There she was, sitting in the front row, but not a single acknowledgment came her way.

The speech was largely well-received, and I certainly enjoyed the stories, but it would have been even better if it had included a gracious and loving tip of the hat to his spouse of sixty-odd years.

Such a remark would have alerted the audience that she was present in the hall, and would have made the remarkable accomplishments of the speaker’s professional life even more salient by drawing attention to his personal graciousness and private character.

When you present, dress conservatively, and wear a bit of red near your face.

For men, a red tie does the trick. If you’re not wearing ties these days, at least wear a sport coat you can button. It hides the wrinkles we get in the lap of our pants, and the bulge we may have acquired in the midriff.

For women, lipstick or a red scarf or blouse will work. The red draws the eyes of the listener to your face. I would also suggest avoiding sleeveless blouses and open-toed shoes. Much better to present in a suit, or at least in a blazer or jacket.

Dress for the position you want, not for the position you’re in.

The paradox of effective speaking is that when you focus on the information needs of your audience, your needs for recognition and respect are fulfilled.

However, when you focus on your own needs to tell them everything you know, regardless of their interest, their willingness to listen and respect you as an expert is damaged by–well, too much talking about what’s in your head, and not enough talking about what’s in theirs.

They therefore think less of you. Thus, paradoxically, when you focus on your own needs, you damage your audience and yourself.