Thank Your Wife

My father and I graduated from the same high school, 25 years apart. This past weekend we went to our reunion and watched as one of Dad’s classmates won the lifetime achievement award for his work in cancer research.

The winner was a distinguished gent, a good friend of my father, and a slow, but charming speaker. He told funny stories of his time at the school, and only at the end did he mention his work.

I happen to know, thanks to Dad, that the prize winner’s wife has been a a tower of strength over the years, but he never mentioned her as he recounted the story of his career. There she was, sitting in the front row, but not a single acknowledgment came her way.

The speech was largely well-received, and I certainly enjoyed the stories, but it would have been even better if it had included a gracious and loving tip of the hat to his spouse of sixty-odd years.

Such a remark would have alerted the audience that she was present in the hall, and would have made the remarkable accomplishments of the speaker’s professional life even more salient by drawing attention to his personal graciousness and private character.

When you present, dress conservatively, and wear a bit of red near your face.

For men, a red tie does the trick. If you’re not wearing ties these days, at least wear a sport coat you can button. It hides the wrinkles we get in the lap of our pants, and the bulge we may have acquired in the midriff.

For women, lipstick or a red scarf or blouse will work. The red draws the eyes of the listener to your face. I would also suggest avoiding sleeveless blouses and open-toed shoes. Much better to present in a suit, or at least in a blazer or jacket.

Dress for the position you want, not for the position you’re in.

“Every word uttered evokes the idea of its opposite,” said Goethe. This is true because no single statement can summarize the totality of a person, object, idea or event.

For instance, if I say, “President Obama is a great public speaker,” my listener might be thinking, “Yeah, but…” and then come out with, “He says ‘er’ and ‘uhm’ too much in interviews.”

At that point, I am stuck with rephrasing my original assertion, because I was talking about my impression of the President speaking at formal occasions.

I would have done better to say, “The President is a great public speaker on formal occasions, although he ‘ers’ and ‘uhms’ too much in interviews.”

If I’d said that, then I would have been able to talk about the President’s accomplishments as a platform speaker without having to defend my incomplete assertion.

Furthermore, I would have demonstrated that I had thought about the pros and cons of the President’s speaking style, and would therefore have earned more credibility with my listeners.

It pays to say what you have to say, and also say what you’re not saying.